The Journey
by Toastyann
Summary: Kaoru, tired of her life and seeking answers, decides to leave home. Along the way, an unexpected person walks back into her life, and in time, into her heart. Will she find what she is looking for? Edited and reposted, very sorry for deleted reviews.
1. Prologue: Unlocking the Memories

_Disclaimer: This humble writer of fanfiction does not own Rurouni Kenshin. That distinction belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki, Sony, Shueisha, Media Blasters, ADV, Fuji TV, and VIZ._

_**PROLOGUE:**__** Unlocking the Memories**_

The entire household is asleep, but I remain awake amid the solitude the night offers. Crickets chirp quietly in the background while the faraway, mournful howl of a dog pierces the air.

I sigh and curl up to my side to face my husband of three years. I am unable to suppress a gentle smile at the peaceful expression on his face. After all, he had gone through so much to achieve this peace he had yearned for so long. I reach out and trace the fading cross scar on his cheek. He stirs at the touch of my fingers over his cheek, yet he remains asleep. I smile in return at this, for it means that his trust in me runs deep.

But enough of that. Tonight, something else besides my husband is keeping me awake.

Memories of a journey. Lessons learned through blood, sweat, toil, and tears. Realizations and revelations. Remembrance of the person that had molded me into who I am, of making up for lost chances and losing it almost as soon as it was gained. The loss had almost been too much to bear, but the journey I had gone through had helped me endure it.

I get up slowly so as not to wake up my slumbering husband. Padding over to the desk that sat on the corner of the room we share, I sit down and take out a journal. The moonlight streaming through the window is adequate enough for my eyes to see what I'm doing. I run a hand over the worn leather of the journal—it is western-made, sturdier than the ones made in Japan. He left it for me, telling me to write in it. Back then I had found his gesture to be strange—he had never done anything like that before.

But then, some time after his death, I saw the wisdom behind his gesture. It was not a mere trinket, not just something to remember him by. Rather, it was a reminder of who I am, a Kamiya, and what I am capable of. It was a reminder of what it means to truly wield The Sword that Protects.

Opening the journal, I turn the pages over, searching for a date.

Here it is. The first day of the month of April during the thirteenth year of the Meiji Era.

The beginning of my story.


	2. Chapter One: Introspection

_**CHAPTER ONE:**__** Introspection**_

Ever since I was a little girl, the first day of spring never ceased to amaze me. I loved how the resplendent whiteness of winter gave way to the colorful burst of spring, with its array of blooming flowers, fresh green grass, and warm sunshine. Spring was a time for new beginnings and new hopes, as the old ones used to say. It was a time when possibilities seemed endless.

I ended my musings with a lungful of the crisp morning air, stretching my arms above my head as far as they can go, and grunting a bit as I did. I've always loved the feeling of limbering up my body.

With a wide yawn, I shuffled toward my window and pushed it open. Resting my arms against the windowsill, I glanced up to see a bird perch on one of the branches just outside my window. I allowed a small grin when the bird started singing.

"Good morning," I greeted the bird softly. He looked down at me with an inquisitive tilt to his head. A rather handsome creature, the bird had intelligent-looking dark eyes and glossy nut-brown feathers. "It's a beautiful day, ne?" I continued, as if the bird understood me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when a loud rapping at my door shattered the tranquility of the scene. The bird, hearing the commotion, gave a startled twitter and flew away.

"Oi, get up! Time for my lesson!"

It had to be the brat. Mou! Here I am, enjoying a bit of solitude and he had to ruin it.

I growled and stalked to the door, snapping it open with a resounding slap. Yahiko stood there, glowering at me. I glared back in return.

"You do know that you have a gift for pissing off people first thing in the morning, don't you, Yahiko-chan?" I ground out through gritted teeth.

He bristled at the '–chan' bit, as I knew he would. "Don't call me that!" he shot back. "Besides, anyone who sees your haggy face first thing in the morning'd be pissed off too!"

My blood pressure must've jumped about a hundred points. I swear the kid bugs the heck out of me! Would it be too much to ask for some respect from him?

"Well, come on, hurry up!" Yahiko demanded.

Apparently so.

You want a lesson so badly, eh, Yahiko? Well, I'll give you a lesson you won't be forgetting anytime soon. I'll work you so hard you'll wish you hadn't asked for it. I will **so** make sure you suffer until you beg for mercy! And even when you've begged for mercy I'll make you suffer even more!

With these nasty thoughts in mind I shrugged off my yukata and stalked to my closet. The brat ticked me off so much that my movements were stiff and angry as I changed into my new training clothes, a blue gi and black hakama. Simmering with exasperation, I gathered my hair into its usual high ponytail. I grabbed my bokken from the corner of my room and stomped to the door, but not without catching my reflection on the mirror sitting on my table. I was the picture of fury; a red-faced, scowling, blazing-eyed person stared back at me.

I felt my shoulders sag and my face relax into a resigned expression. _Kaoru, you hotheaded tomboy, can you ever __**not**__ lose your temper when dealing with that brat? You __**know**__ he'll run off with that foul mouth of his—why can't you just ignore it? You're a walking time bomb! And look at you, parading around wearing men's clothes. You look and act like a man! Toxic cooking, nasty temper, undomesticated ways—face it, that's why Yahiko keeps calling you 'hag' and Kenshin wary of you. You'll never measure up to their standards. You will forever be Raccoon-girl of the vile cuisine and explosive temper,_ a snide voice in my head scolded, sounding strangely like Megumi. My hand tightened on my bokken's handle as I realized how right the voice was.

I snapped out of my gloomy thoughts when the shoji door slid open to reveal an irritated Yahiko. "Oi—" he stopped short when he saw my subdued face. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," I muttered. "Let's go."

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Thankfully, Yahiko didn't bother asking me what was wrong, because if he did, I'll just…truthfully, I don't know. Still though, would it be too much for him to ask what had upset me? If he didn't, then that would mean he had the sensitivity of a rock.

Oh no, wait…he already does. Why did I even bother asking?

Anyway, I stood at my usual place, supervising Yahiko as he did his usual hundred swings. Honestly though, I wasn't really watching the brat. I might be there in body, looking every bit like the impassive sensei, but I was really a million miles away.

"One!" Swish. "Two!" Swish.

Why can't I be feminine? I try by dressing up in pretty kimonos improvising since I couldn't bloody well afford the ones being sold at stores, cooking-though I always end up cooking one disaster after another, doing the chores…how come I always end up getting branded as the female browbeater, a tomboy?

"Fifty-one! Sixty-nine! Eighty-eight! One hundred!"

My temper gets the better of me, that's what. Added to that was training I had in handling the sword—though I never actually handled a real one. That's enough to bring my femininity points down. I'm also prone to using my skills whenever my temper flares up, Kenshin being the unfortunate usual target. Ha. So much for being the wielder of the Sword that Protects.

"I'm done with the swings."

And another thing, why is it that I always, **always** end up being the damsel in distress? Just look at that whole Enishi fiasco—it has D.I.D. written all over it! Which is ironic, considering how people have this unflattering perception of me being a tomboy that can bash bad guys' heads in with my trusty bokken.

"Hey! Earth to dogface, hello!"

Is that what I am? A weak and unfeminine female?

"Yaaah!!!"

I snapped out of my musings to see the bokken arcing toward my head. I reacted through pure instinct, sidestepping out of the way with a swat meant to block it. Yahiko pitched forward slightly from the impetus of his strike—from the way he did, it seemed he came at me at full force!

"What the heck did you just do, you idiot?! Are you trying to kill me?!" I screeched. Instead of replying, the brat rested his bokken on his shoulder and grinned cockily.

"You were spacing out. You ain't gonna be much of a challenge if you keep doing that," he explained, smirking.

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna make you eat those words, Yahiko-chan," I growled, my infamous temper flaring up as I pointed my bokken at him as a challenge.

"Feh! I'd like to see you try," Yahiko scoffed as we both slid into defensive stances.

I took a deep breath and told myself that now is not the time to mope about my shortcomings. _Come on, Kamiya,_ I told myself. _Focus! Kick that brat's ass! That ought to shut him up._

I narrowed my eyes as I debated whether to attack or wait for Yahiko to attack. I cast a calculating eye over my opponent. It was impossible to tell what he was going to do judging from his stance. His face was a mask of concentration, betraying nothing. And then—

Everything happened so fast. Yahiko attacked a split second later, coming at me with a straight thrust. I blocked it successfully, and the next couple of seconds were a flurry of quick blows and parries. At one point, our wooden blades locked. Yahiko and I faced each other off, our faces inches from each other as we breathed heavily.

"Had enough?" I muttered.

"You wish," he shot back. My ears were filled with the sound of our wooden swords grating against each other and our grunts of exertion, both of us unwilling to give way.

Summoning some deep reserve of strength, I heaved Yahiko off with a shout, causing him backpedal.

"Men!" Yahiko blocked frantically.

"Do!" I was relentless in my onslaught.

"Kote!" The bokken flew from Yahiko's grasp. He gaped in disbelief from the floor as I pointed the end of my bokken at his throat.

It was over. I had won. But was I happy about it?

My earlier melancholy began to set in once again as the excitement of the sparring match cooled. In the background I could hear Yahiko griping about his defeat.

"Oi, one more—" Yahiko broke off, looking at me curiously. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

I wiped the sweat off my brow. "Sorry, Yahiko, practice is over." I blew out a breath, puffing out my cheeks.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know, all right!" I snapped. Yahiko looked taken aback at my sudden outburst. I sighed, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "Sorry. Look, I know it's not much of an excuse, but like you said, if I'm like this, then I won't be much of a challenge, now would I? Just…just do your katas, okay?" With that I turned and started to walk out of the dojo. I ignored Yahiko's affronted sputtering and kept on, holding back the tightness in my throat that signaled the start of tears. As soon as I reached the gate, I broke out into a run, letting out the tears I held back.

I kept on running until I noticed I ended up at the river. I didn't know why I was crying; all I knew was the dull ache in my chest. Collapsing by the riverbank, I pulled my legs up and rested my chin on them.

I stared numbly at the calm surface of the water, my mind completely blank as the tears continued to fall. I didn't know which bone to pick with myself—my unfeminine ways, my frustration towards Kenshin, my horrible temper, my tendency to end up being the damsel in distress, or…my loneliness. Yes, you heard right. I am lonely.

You might think that with those three around—no, wait, now it's down to two since Sano's gone—to keep my hands full, I wouldn't be lonely. Well I am, in a manner of speaking. Let me explain.

I lost my mother when I was around eight years old. All I can remember was the jasmine scent I smelled on her whenever she held me, soft hands that touched my face gently, and that calm, sweet smile that seemed to make things right to the world. She was the only one I could turn to since my father made it no secret that he wanted a son instead.

Having to hear my father say that I wasn't wanted had hurt. What made it worse was when my mother died; I ended up having to practically raise myself because my father devoted himself even more to the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. He never remarried, so he never had the chance to father a son to be his heir, leaving me instead. And because he was also a military official, he had no choice but to teach me the family art so that I could teach in his place whenever he was away. He never really paid much attention to me—the only thing in common between us was the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. Since the family art dominated my life, I never had the chance to properly learn womanly graces such as cooking and sewing. I had taught myself, which was probably why I was so bad at cooking—aside from that, my father wasn't really a fussy eater. He had never said a word about my atrocious cooking skills, leaving me with even less opportunity to improve.

Even though my relationship with my father had been distant, he and the family art had been my world. I had thrown myself to the way of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu wholeheartedly, thinking that it would help me gain my father's respect. But then I'll never know—he was killed during the Seinan War when his opponent managed to push him off a cliff. So much for the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu, the Sword that Protects.

It didn't even protect him.

So I was left to protect myself. Living in an empty compound amid the maddening silence drove me to deep depression. I had lost the only one I could call family—I have never felt the meaning of the word 'alone' so keenly. Luckily Tae was there to keep my sanity. Kami bless her, because I probably would have starved myself to death since I couldn't even **eat** my own cooking. Slowly, I regained my spirit and the will to drag myself out of depression.

Little did I know that soon after, a certain redheaded swordsman would change my life.

Kenshin came into my life unexpectedly. I don't think I need to recount how we met, ne? But still…up to now I don't know why I had accepted him into my life so easily. Was it his eyes, shining with kindness and his aura of trustworthiness? Or was it because I needed someone in my life so badly that I took in the first stranger that I saw? _No matter,_ I had thought to myself then, _I know what I'm doing._ It felt so right somehow, even though I was chastising myself for being too trusting. Pretty soon I found my hands full when a bratty young pickpocket and a freeloading ex-gangster decided to join the mix. The adventures we've shared brought us closer together, especially after the Enishi episode.

Didn't I just say earlier that I was feeling lonely? When Kenshin came into my life, the loneliness went away. Each day was a day to look forward to because I know that he'll always be there. Yet there was a lingering doubt that Kenshin would leave—he **was** a wanderer, after all.

Despite my misgivings, Kenshin stayed. But now that Sano's gone, the anxiety at the prospect of being alone came back in full force; doubts assailed my convictions. When Yahiko grows up into a young man, he'll go away—he can't stay with me forever even if I wanted to, but I'd rather die first than admit that aloud to him. And when he does leave, I'll watch him close the gate, wave at him with a smile on my face, without him ever knowing how much it hurts. Yes, he may be a brat now, but he's the closest thing I have to a younger brother. I've always wanted a sibling.

As for Kenshin…how do I put this? If he leaves, I'll just…die. I'll wither away because he's my world now. I don't think I can stand to be alone again. One word of rejection from him, no matter how gentle he is in telling me, will break me. I know my heart broke like it never did before when he turned his back on me as he left for Kyoto to face Shishio. Luckily he came back to me, and my broken heart mended with seeing and being with him.

It's ironic, really…I've always viewed myself as strong before Kenshin came into my life. I was able to face the new day with a smile, to run the dojo by myself when my father died, hadn't I? How come just the notion of Kenshin's rejection is enough to drive me to misery? It's not fair; it's not fair how he's able to melt me with nothing more than his smile, his eyes.

He always refers to himself as sessha—this unworthy one. What is it with that 'sessha' complex of his? He had saved Japan from an evil, bandaged megalomaniac and had touched many lives with his kindness and wisdom. He had already come to terms with his past. Shouldn't it be time for him to wake up and seize the day, mainly by uttering the words I've wanted so badly to hear from him? I know how he feels for me. Even though I'm a 'manly tomboy of a girl,' as Yahiko puts it, I am still a woman. Call it intuition, which can be a gift and a curse at the same time. It's a gift because it helped me pick up on Kenshin's feelings, and a curse because he wouldn't do anything about it since he sees himself as 'this unworthy one.'

_Kenshin, you idiot! Can't you see that it's up to me to decide whether you're worthy of me or not?_

But I could understand his hesitation. I always end up being the target of Kenshin's deranged enemies, and I heard how seriously depressed he had been when he thought Enishi had killed me. I'd probably hesitate as well if our situations were reversed. But if I were strong enough to face opponents of Kenshin's caliber and defeat them, then maybe Kenshin would be able to tell me how he really felt about me since he wouldn't have to worry about my safety.

Sadly though, my skills are nowhere near his. If I were to face someone like, say, Jin'eh, in a swordfight, I'm dead.

How can I wield The Sword that Protects when I can't even protect myself? Where does this leave me?

At this I felt my hands curl around a small pebble. I gripped it tightly, my pent-up frustration building up into an urge to throw the pebble as hard as I could. And I did. I wound up and flung the pebble with all my strength, releasing it with a cry. The anger I felt slowly melted away as the water rippled.

I sighed and walked toward a nearby cherry tree, leaning against it and flopping down to sit underneath. Maybe I am destined to be lonely. Maybe some people, no matter how good they are, will never know the feeling of being loved. Kenshin will never acknowledge his feelings for me because he is afraid of losing me.

And I'm scared too—scared of his rejection if I tell him how I feel. And how does this add up? We'll both be miserable for the rest of our lives, always dancing around our feelings for each other, but never coming close enough to admit what we truly felt because I'm just not strong enough to be with him or to accept the consequences a possible rejection from him.

"No!" I shouted. "I won't…I've got to tell him. And if he…he…" I couldn't bring myself to say the words 'rejects me' "…I can handle it. I **will** handle it," I said, my voice tapering into a determined but unconvincing whisper.

I sniffled back the last of my tears. I felt a little better after letting my frustrations out with a good cry.

I sat there for a while to calm down. And when I did, I got up and made my way slowly back home.

_AUTHOR'S NOTE_

_I used a couple of kendo terminology here during the fight between Kaoru and Yahiko. Men is the face mask, do is the chest protector, and kote are the padded gloves. So, Kaoru struck Yahiko's face mask, chest protector, and padded gloves, which made him lose his grip, and ultimately lose the fight. Admittedly, I only got this information from the internet, and having no experience at all about kendo, I could only assume that the information I got and had interpreted was right. If there are any discrepancies with my description, please don't hesitate to inform me and I will make the necessary corrections. Thank you!_


	3. Chapter Two: Departure

_**CHAPTER TWO:**__** Departure**_

Lunch was a rather quiet affair. With Sano gone there wasn't anyone for Yahiko to compete with when it came to food, since Kenshin and I weren't gluttons like those two. Brat just stuffed his face with food, gobbling it down with that annoying chomping noise. He seemed to have forgotten what happened at the dojo earlier. Kenshin, on the other hand, seemed to pick up on my deflated spirits but decided to leave me alone with my thoughts, which suited me just fine until Yahiko opened that mouth of his.

"Hey, what's your problem? Why'd you walk out earlier? Looked like you were gonna cry," he remarked, leaning back to scratch his stomach.

Kenshin looked at me with concern in his eyes. "Is something the matter, Kaoru-dono?" he inquired, raising his eyebrows which lent him his usual innocent, clueless look.

_Kaoru-dono,_ I thought bitterly. _Up until now it's Kaoru-dono! I am __**not**__ his landlady!_

"Nothing," I managed to say with an awkward smile. "I just needed to cool off, that's all."

"Yeah, well, why didn't you 'cool off' after our lesson, huh?" Yahiko demanded.

The brat's **really** testing my patience today. I ignored him, silently counting from one to ten.

"You really looked like you were gonna cry," Yahiko went on. "What's the matter, tired of your ugly mug?" he snickered.

Something inside me snapped. A deep, boiling rage took over my depression. I can't take it anymore! I've had enough of his insults! I take him in and teach him the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu because he wanted to be strong and what does he repay me with? Insults and belligerence. All I'm asking for is a shred of respect in return but does he give me that? No!

I didn't even know what I was doing until the sharp sound of my hand slapping his cheek reached my ears. Yahiko's face was that of shock, clutching his reddened cheek.

"Don't you call me that again," I hissed through my angry tears, my voice low. I was shaking with barely repressed fury. "What is it with you, Yahiko? What should I do for you to respect me? That's all I'm asking from you. Is that too much to ask for?"

Yahiko didn't respond. I suppose he was too surprised to answer.

"Answer me!"

"Kaoru-dono…"

I whirled around and faced Kenshin. "Stay out of this," I snarled. "This is between me and him. I will deal with you later." At this, Kenshin's eyes widened, maybe wondering what he did wrong to anger me.

I ignored him and faced Yahiko again. His jaw opened and closed, but no sound came out. I narrowed my eyes. "I thought so," I said quietly, anger giving an edge to my voice. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Kenshin's eyes darting back between me and my student. "You know what I think? I think the reason why you don't respect me is because you think I'm weak. Is that it?"

Yahiko blinked at me, disbelieving. "What—I—no!"

"Oh, don't give me that," I spat. "I always end up getting kidnapped, I always end up needing to be rescued. Well, that's about to change."

"What do you mean?" Kenshin asked quietly.

I took a deep breath to compose myself. "I mean, I will be away for a while. To train, to become better in kenjutsu, I suppose. That way, maybe you'll…" Relaxing my tense posture, I averted my gaze to avoid looking at him and Yahiko. "…There are some things I need to figure out for myself. **Alone**." I emphasized the word. "I just…maybe I'm just tired of being taken for granted," I murmured, more to myself than to them. "The time away from you will do me good."

Kenshin opened his mouth in protest, but I held up a palm to shush him. "Don't even try to dissuade me. I've made up my mind. Tomorrow, before dawn breaks, I will be leaving the house and the dojo to you. Take care of the place while I'm gone."

"Where will you go?" Kenshin asked, quiet hurt in his voice and face.

I shrugged slightly and shook my head. A minute of silence passed, ending everything that had just transpired. With that, I spun on my heel and left the room, leaving them to their thoughts.

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Kenshin and Yahiko left me alone for the rest of the day, which suited me just fine because I didn't want to see them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry at them anymore. Once I vent my anger, it usually goes as soon as it had come. In fact, I felt a bit sorry for slapping Yahiko. But today was different. It's more of…seeing them reminded me of what was troubling me, and I didn't want that—I needed to clear my head. So I spent the afternoon at the dojo, meditating in front of my father's swords.

…_Maybe I'm just tired of being taken for granted…_

The memory of those words came rushing back at me. Now that I think about it, they do take me for granted, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of Yahiko's flagrant disrespect and of Kenshin's indecision. I want out for a while. Yes, my life was richer when they came; they became my new family and I learned so much from them. But there are some things I need to learn and nurture by myself.

One question that has been bothering me is this: will I survive if Kenshin would leave me? If not, what should I do?

I thought of going back to training. I think that's what I need right now so that I'll be stronger in both body and spirit if…if ever **that** happens.

I started to learn kenjutsu out of necessity, but over time, I grew to love it as well. I don't know how or why I did, but I suppose it's in the blood—my ancestors were samurai, after all. It makes sense that my family would be steeped in kenjutsu.

Thinking about it now, maybe I should train using a real sword. Before Father left, he told me that I should start learning how to do so. Now it may seem as if Father was a hypocrite, telling me to learn how to use a real blade, one that can be used for killing. But his reason was simply that a swordsman isn't a swordsman if he didn't use a sword that had an edge. He stressed that it was how the swordsman used the blade, not the blade itself that was the cause of bloodshed.

"_The Kamiya Kasshin Ryu is the sword that protects life. It is not the blade you hold in your hands, rather the skill—no, the philosophy—that guides each swing you make. Remember this, and remember it well."_

I suppose I'll be protecting people with my sword if Kenshin does decide to leave me. I will live my life for others to forget the pain of separation from him.

_Here I am thinking about him leaving me when he's just across the yard, taking down the laundry! Mou, when did I sound so—so—Kenshin-esque?_

My eyes snapped open at the ridiculous realization, and I snorted in derision as I did. "That's the last thing you'd want to be right now, Kaoru no baka," I muttered under my breath.

My gaze rested on the two swords resting on their holders before me. Reaching out, I took the longer katana, its hiss reverberating throughout the silent dojo as I took it out of its sheath. The metal glinted as it caught the rays of the afternoon sun.

The Blue Swordbreaker. It was called that because of the unusual strength of the metal that could, as its namesake implies, break swords. It also had a faint bluish sheen to it. The sword has been in my family for over a hundred years now, its first owner my great-grandfather Kamiya Kaoru. The Blue Swordbreaker was given to Great-grandfather Kaoru by the Shogun for saving his life. The sword was the inspiration for the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu—how could your enemies do you and others harm if their sword was broken? By breaking the enemy's sword, there would be no more further bloodshed.

I got into the ready stance. The sword weighed heavily in my hands, reminding me that I was the last of the Kamiyas, and that it was up to me to uphold what the Kasshin Ryu stood for.

I performed a kata slowly, adjusting to the weight of the sword. The wind created by the sword whistled as it sliced through the air.

_One. Two._

My mind emptied itself of its concerns as I lost myself in the ordered sequence of the kata, letting my body take over. Quite some time had passed before I performed the last stroke of the kata. I was sweat-soaked and weary from swinging the heavy sword, but by then my mind had cleared enough for me to feel fulfilled with what I had just done. I shouted out a kiyai as I brought the sword down with all my strength.

"Te!"

With that I ended the kata, letting out a slow breath. As I leaned down to get the sheath, my eyes widened when I saw a familiar redheaded figure at the entrance of the dojo. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and sheathed the sword.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, placing the sword back onto the holder.

"Ah, well…this unworthy one needs to talk to you."

He stepped closer. I could see the determined set of his jaw, even though he tried to conceal it with a seemingly innocent expression. I raised an eyebrow expectantly. He cleared his throat.

"Why?"

My other eyebrow went up. "Eh?"

"Tell me why you are leaving," Kenshin clarified.

I sighed, looking away. "I already told you, didn't I?"

"That's not enough of a reason."

My head turned sharply at his direction. How dare he question me!

The rurouni backed away as I glared at him. "That's not what this unworthy one meant," he said, waving his hands frantically. "Please let this unworthy one ask…" he trailed off, looking at me uncertainly.

"So ask," I prompted, crossing my arms and looking at him pointedly.

Kenshin cleared his throat again. "How long will Kaoru-dono be gone?"

I shrugged. "Until I finish what I need to do. Like I said before, I need to figure some things out, and maybe train along the way. It'll probably take a long time, so you won't be seeing me for a while," I said matter-of-factly, waiting to see his reaction.

"I see," was all Kenshin said.

Mou, I hate awkward moments like these. I'm trying to make Kenshin squirm, but it's backfiring on me. Now I'm the one squirming under his intense gaze.

"But then again, I'm a fast learner, so it probably won't take as long as I said I did. And besides, I'll write often, maybe everyday, if you want me to," I stammered.

_Oh, for the love of Kami-sama, quit babbling like an idiot. You're trying to give __**him **__a hard time!_

I gave myself a quick shake of the head, ignoring Kenshin's strange look directed at me. "Why are you asking anyway? Are you going to miss me?" I asked bluntly.

"This unworthy one—"

"Yes?"

Kenshin recovered quickly. "This unworthy one has vowed to protect you, Kaoru-dono. After what happened with Enishi's Jinchuu—"

I cut him off with a wave of my hand. "Trust me on this, Kenshin, I can take care of myself. I don't need you to be with me always."

_Liar, liar, gi on fire,_ my conscience taunted me.

"But I need you," he whispered, as if to himself. I blinked and wondered if I heard wrong. He seemed to realize that he had let his guard down and quickly covered it up by adding something that really pissed me off.

"This unworthy one needs you to take care of the house with him. He thinks he would not be able to handle it," he quickly covered up.

Of all the idiotic things to say, he had to ask me to help me around the house. He's an even better housekeeper than I am! Mou, if **he** was a girl, he'd have men falling over their feet to marry him!

And that, of course, painfully reminded me of my shortcomings, incurring my infamous temper, which resulted in me giving him very swirly eyes.

"Kenshin, you jerk!" I yelled, my arm still extended toward the wall where he was currently embedded in. "I'm leaving tomorrow and that how you say goodbye?!"

"Oroo…this unworthy one…"

"Never mind!" With that I stalked out of the dojo in a huff.

------------------------------------------

That night I sat by my favorite spot in the garden, a rock beside the koi pond. One of my knees was drawn up to my chest, and I gazed at the night sky, liking the feel of the gentle breeze that caressed my arms.

Ah, nights like these inspire one to be poetic, ne?

Anyway, I was sitting by the koi pond feeling poetic when reality decided to barge in. I got one heck of a neck cramp.

"Ow! Mou!" I exclaimed, my hand flying to my neck to soothe it. Of course when I did, I lost my balance on the rock and fell to the ground with a dull thud.

Is it my unlucky day or what?

With a sigh I pulled myself up and rubbed my neck. _Life can be such a pain sometimes,_ I grimaced. I thought I was going to have a night of peaceful reflection before I left, but nooo, apparently the gods have decided to have fun with me tonight.

Before my unfortunate accident, I was thinking about my rather abrupt decision to leave. I didn't know what possessed me to blurt it out just like that; maybe I had wanted it for such a long time now that when the opportunity presented itself it just came out.

Doubt began creeping in when I realized how impetuous my decision was. Sure, it was easy to say, but doing it was an entirely different matter. For one thing, where will I go? I've trained at the dojo all my life. It's not as if I learned kenjutsu like Kenshin did, alone with his master amid the mountains of Kyoto.

Besides, I'm only Assistant Master—Shihandai. In fact, I'm a Shihandai that hadn't even mastered her school's succession technique yet. Who will train me? The last Kamiya Kasshin Ryu master was my father, and he's dead. Yahiko was the other one who had. Considering what happened earlier, there's absolutely no way I'm going to ask for his help. It would look pathetic if the teacher would have to ask for her student's help.

_Oh, great. Nice going, Raccoon-girl, mouthing off like that. Guess you're no different from Yahiko, then._

Shut up.

I've never been away from home by myself before. True, I left to follow Kenshin to Kyoto, but other than that I haven't. And unlike before, I won't have Yahiko, or anyone else for that matter, to go with me this time. I'll be alone.

I suddenly didn't want to go.

I frowned and tried to remember my reasons for going on this trip. I was going because: one, I want to see if I can live without Kenshin for a while; two, I want to make myself stronger physically through training and emotionally by distancing myself from Kenshin; and three, I want to do some soul-searching, to see if I am truly worthy to wield the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu, the Sword that Protects.

The first reason seemed incomprehensible. After all, I've proven time and again that I can't live without Kenshin, hadn't I? One particular example would be when he left for Kyoto—I turned into a blubbering mess until Megumi came up and told me to get my act together. That's what I admire about Megumi—she's always all business if it's needed. I suppose it comes with being a doctor. She can't afford to let her emotions cloud her judgment because her patient's life is in her hands. Does that mean that I, not being a doctor, am allowed to let my emotions fly off the handle? I've been known to act first and ask questions later. And my anxieties are always centered on Kenshin, whether it's about his cluelessness, his never-ending guilt, or his absurd compulsion to protect me from himself. If I were to go on a vacation for a while, would I be able to handle my emotions better? Is it for my own good or will it destroy me? And the million-yen question is, will I be able to live without him?

Staying home looks better and better already.

_You're such a coward. You go off spouting that you're going to leave, and then at the prospect of leaving that redheaded baka you chicken out? Where's your spine when it comes to Kenshin? You're all talk and no action,_ my rational mind sneered. _Besides, it's about time they learned to go on without you. They take you for granted. They think you'll always take care of them. Well, the buck stops here! You're going! Period! End of story!_

_But you love him,_ my heart shot back. _You can't live without him. You know that, don't you? And would you risk hurting him by leaving? Of course not. You know how protective he is of you. Do you want him to worry?_

Argh! These voices are driving me insane!

"Shut up!" I yelled, grabbing fistfuls of my hair.

"Kaoru-dono?"

I turned and saw Kenshin standing there with a mystified expression on his face. "Who were you talking to?"

"Nobody," I muttered, embarrassed. Wonderful. Now he thinks I'm losing it.

He sat down beside me and gazed at the sky. "It is a nice night, that it is," he remarked.

I nodded. My heart was pounding a mile a minute as I observed him out of the corner of my eye. I've known him for over a year now, but he never fails to catch my attention when it came to his looks. I've always been a sucker for the sensitive-looking types.

"Kaoru-dono is leaving tomorrow, correct?"

"Yes," I replied softly, fiddling with the sleeve of my kimono. My eyes widened when he reached out and twined his fingers around mine.

My, he's certainly being forward tonight, isn't he? Does it have anything to do with my imminent departure?

He looked at our linked hands and raised his violet gaze to meet mine. There was something akin to longing that lay hidden within those depths, its intensity leaving me breathless.

"What is Kaoru-dono searching for?" he asked. I swallowed hard before answering; the warmth of his hand on mine made it difficult for me to focus.

"I…I want to be strong," I said haltingly, looking at the ground. "I haven't even mastered the Kasshin Ryu's ougi. And I've always been a liability, right? It's true," I insisted when Kenshin started to protest. "You've seen that for yourself. I always end up getting kidnapped—don't give me that look," I warned him when his face contorted into a guilt-ridden expression. "That's why I'm going—I want to change that."

I paused, my eyes roving side to side to gather my thoughts. I took a breath before continuing.

"Besides, there are things that render me…helpless—well, besides being, uh…kidnapped and..." I trailed off, uncertain on how to continue. I let out a soft sigh and turned away. "I want to get past those. I want to know that I can be strong enough even when I'm facing that I'm afraid of. That's not a bad thing, is it?" I asked meekly.

Kenshin shook his head. "May this unworthy one ask what are those things Kaoru-dono talked about? Perhaps he can help so that leaving would not be necessary."

_You make me vulnerable,_ I answered mentally. _Just the idea of you not returning my feelings is enough to break me. And of all the ironical things, you make me strong enough to face the day with a smile. How can I leave knowing that? Yet how can I stay when I'm yearning to find the answers to my questions?_

Instead of answering, I shook my head. I cursed myself for blowing the chance to clear things between us.

He stared at me intently, as if he were memorizing my face. I could see the longing in his eyes. Try as he might, he can never quite hide it. That should have been my cue to tell him how I feel, but I kept my mouth shut instead. I want him to say it first, so that I know he's sure. Besides, even if I'm not exactly conventional, I'm old-fashioned when it comes to love and courtship. I don't want to put Kenshin in a situation where he's uncomfortable with. I want him to reveal his feelings for me on his own time.

Of course, by saying that, I practically sealed my fate as an old maid. The way things are going, I'd probably be **eighty** before he tells me what I want to hear. But I can always hope, ne?

Kenshin tore his eyes away and looked up to the sky again. "You must go then," he said simply. "Promise me that you will find your answer. Promise me that you will return safe and sound. And when you do, I will be the first to welcome you home." I noticed that he used 'I' and 'me' instead of 'this unworthy one.'

"You will?" I whispered, feeling tears spring to my eyes. I was touched by his complete trust in me that I will find my answers and return to him despite the world being an unsure place. Knowing him, I thought he'd tail me all throughout my trip which would defeat its purpose, but I guess I was wrong.

"Yes."

I managed a tremulous smile. This scene reminded me of the unspoken promise between Kenshin and I—that we will always find our way home to each other. "All right, I promise."

He smiled at that, and I leaned my head on his shoulder in response, savoring the intimacy between us. He draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. No more words were spoken between us, for our hearts conveyed what we dared not speak of.

------------------------------------------

I was up about an hour before the sun rose. I hadn't packed anything yet, and despite feeling giddy over how Kenshin and I spent last night, I had fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

"Clothes…check. Money…check. Rations…check. Hmm…sword…still in the dojo—I'll get it later," I muttered to myself absently. "Am I missing anything else?"

I puttered around my room, checking to see if I missed anything else I needed. I pulled open a drawer and pawed through it. As I did, my hand brushed against something. I rooted around and took out whatever it was that piqued my curiosity.

A journal. Father had given it to me before he left to fight in the Seinan War. I had no idea why he did it, considering how distant we were to each other. When he gave it to me he told me to write in it someday.

I had stood by the gate of the dojo compound then, waiting for Father to come out. A carriage was waiting to bring him to where he would meet his superiors. He had gone back inside to retrieve something. I had walked up to him when he came out a few minutes later, about to ask him if he had everything he needed, and to say goodbye. But I never had.

"_Kaoru."_

"_Yes, Father?"_

"_I have something for you." _I tilted my head curiously at that, wondering what Father had for me.

"_Here." _

It was a journal.

What made it strange was how uncertain Father had looked as he gave it to me._ "I…had it made a few weeks ago," _he explained._ "I thought that maybe…ahem." _He stopped, as if reconsidering what he wanted to say._ "Write whatever you want in it. You'll know when the time comes."_

"_Oh…well, thank you, Father, for this gift. I'll take good care of it," _I promised. With that he gave me a rare, although small, smile and touched my cheek briefly.

"_Take care of yourself."_

"_I will. You too."_

Then he turned and walked away, closing the gate behind him. I had watched as he got on the carriage waiting outside and left.

And that was the last I had ever seen of him.

I blinked and found myself back to the present.

Hmm…seems like this is an appropriate time for me to use Father's gift. I've never written in a journal before, and considering how I'm about to go on a journey, it would be a good idea to write down everything that would happen. Maybe once I've accomplished what I've set out to do, I'd be able to look back.

With that decision, I tucked the journal into my bag. "Looks like I'll be on my way," I remarked, slinging the bag over my shoulder. I grabbed my bokuto which would serve as my walking stick and went out of my room.

I decided to forgo my usual kimono—I wore men's clothing instead, a gi and hakama ensemble. I rationalized that it would be safer to look like a man. Who knows what kind of sickos roamed out there? Also, gauntlets protected my hands and wrists, and my hair wasn't in its usual high ponytail—I tied it back instead slightly loose and low in my nape. It was a new look, and I wondered why I went with it. Maybe it's because I'm about to go off on my own adventure, or maybe I just didn't want to be recognized as I make my way out of town. Whatever the reason, it felt kind of good to look different.

I frowned a bit as I glanced at the mirror for a final inspection of how I looked. Gi, hakama, low ponytail—kinda looks familiar…

…Great. I had just unconsciously mimicked Kenshin's look. For crying out loud! Am I **that **obsessed about that red-headed idiot? I should probably get a scar on my cheek while I'm at it. But at least I didn't leave the front of my gi gaping open like he does.

Well, there wasn't much time to improvise another new look, so I hurried towards the dojo and took the Blue Swordbreaker, wrapping a cloth around it to conceal it. I had to because of the law that prohibits the wearing of swords in public. Besides, it wasn't just a sword, it was a work of art—waving it around in public might cause it to get stolen.

After getting the sword, I looked around my home, etching every detail in memory. I won't be around here for a while, so I want to remember it the way I left it. On a less sentimental note, I need to remember it so that I know who to blame when I find it totally leveled when I return.

"Kaoru-dono."

I turned and saw Kenshin standing a couple of feet behind me, his face unreadable in the gray light of the early morning. I tilted my head curiously, waiting for him to say something.

He stepped closer. "This unworthy one came to see Kaoru-dono off."

I nodded. It seemed as if the closeness we shared last night was gone, just a fleeting dream. I pulled my bag higher on my shoulder to keep it from sliding off.

"So…goodbye then," I said inanely. I bit my lip as I thought of something—anything—to say to him. Nothing came to mind though, and while I grappled with my confused thoughts, Kenshin came up and gathered me in his arms tightly, as tightly as he did the night he left for Kyoto.

Kyoto. What is it about that place that seemed to hold painful memories and feelings?

"Remember your promise," he whispered in my ear. I nodded without a word, afraid of shattering the mood.

He released me but kept his hands on my shoulders. I gazed back at him, carving his face into my memory. The gentle violet eyes, the flaming hair, and that mouth that had a penchant for smiling that innocent grin, and that scarred cheek that was proof of his suffering and guilt.

Looking at the scar, I suddenly felt the urge to kiss it. I've always wanted to do that, to show Kenshin that I knew what the acceptance of that scar required of me. _It's now or never, Kaoru,_ I encouraged myself. _Come on, what have you got to lose? It's just going to be a peck on the cheek._

I craned my neck a little and brushed my lips on his cheek. Just a chaste, fleeting one, but it was enough for me to remember it forever. I didn't bother meeting his eyes, turning away as fast as I could. I wanted the sweetness of the moment to end on my terms. I smiled a little when I heard a soft "oro" as I pulled away.

I didn't look back as I made my way out of my home.

And so began the first steps of my journey.


	4. Chapter Three: The Road Less Traveled

_**CHAPTER THREE:**__** Taking the Road Less Traveled**_

_Mou…this is turning out to be a bad idea after all._

I frowned and propped a hand against my hip, my other hand shading my face from the merciless heat of the late morning sun. The way it beat down on the people below it made the weather seem as if it was summer instead of spring.

Note to self: when going out on a journey, be sure to make your way out of town as soon as possible.

"Tch." Seeing how crowded the Shinbashi Station was, will buying a ticket be worth it? Train tickets are really expensive; I don't think my meager budget can handle it. Besides, there's the Tokaido Road, ne? There might be an adventure in store for me if I traveled down to Kyoto instead of taking the train or going by boat. Traveling on foot is a good start for training.

Wait a second, traveling on foot? Good grief, I'm emulating the ways of that redheaded idiot again! I rolled my eyes at the thought and pulled my rucksack higher on my shoulder; it was beginning to slide off. Huffing impatiently, I turned and started toward where the Tokaido Road began. And then I realized something.

Where the heck does the Tokaido Road begin, anyway?

_Oh, great…here I am, off on my own, but I don't even know how to get to where I'm going! Nice one, Raccoon-girl,_ I thought, slapping my forehead. _Well, better start asking directions, then._

I scanned the crowd, looking for someone who looks knowledgeable enough. _Who to ask, who to ask…_

An old man sitting on a bench caught my eye. _Asking him might be a good start,_ I decided. I walked toward him and set my things down—my shoulder was starting to get strained, and I was glad for an excuse to rest a bit.

"Excuse me, sir, I—hey! Watch it!" I yelled when a guy jostled against my shoulder. The old man looked up, startled by the commotion.

"Sorry!" He disappeared into the crowd.

My hand immediately flew to the pocket in my sleeves. _Oh, please, no,_ I prayed as I groped for my money pouch. I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt it in my pocket.

Oh, thank the gods. Nothing was stolen from me.

"Are you all right there, sonny?" the old man asked, squinting up at me. I felt my eyebrow twitch slightly at the 'sonny' comment, but decided to let that slide—I mean, his eyesight must be bad for him to mistake me as a boy, right?

"I'm fine, sir, thank you for asking," I replied. "Anyway, I was wondering if you can help me. Would you happen to know where I might find the Tokaido Road?"

"The Tokaido Road, you say? Why, I haven't traveled up that road in years! Brings back memories, that it does. Youngsters these days, they prefer taking it easy, with those newfangled trains…doesn't build character, I tell you! But you…ah, it's rare to see youths such as yourself, preferring to take the road not taken, and the Tokaido Road, it's not taken these days, get it? Heh heh heh!"

Um. Yeah. Okay.

I laughed along politely. "I understand what you mean, sir, and I hate to be rude, but I really need to get going."

"Going? Going where? Oh, yes, sorry about me rambling on, I just needed to get that out. Anyway, the Tokaido Road starts at Nihonbashi—you know where that is?"

"It's located at Chuo Ward, isn't it?"

"Right you are. Just cross the Nihonbashi bridge, and you can go up to Kyoto traveling along the Tokaido Road." The old man stood up shakily and patted my shoulder. "Good luck, and I hope you have a safe trip."

I smiled in gratitude. "Thank you, sir." I bowed and started to reach down for my things. "Well, I'd better get…" I trailed off.

Wait a second.

I blinked and squinted at my belongings. The bag's still there, everything seems to be in place, but…

Oh no. Nononononono…

MY SWORD'S GONE!

"Shit!" I cursed, grabbing my rucksack and darting off. The thief must've had someone grab my sword when he bumped into me! I ignored the surprised cries and grunts of people as I barreled through the crowd, frantically trying to remember what the guy that had bumped me looked like.

Okay—he had sandy brown hair and scrawny build. I wasn't able to get a good look at him, but his voice sounded rather distinctively nasal.

Right. As if remembering what he sounded like was going to help.

I gritted my teeth as I bolted to the direction where I remembered he went. He couldn't have gone far, could he?

I ran, pushing against the surge of people. I don't know how long I kept on running—it might as well be an eternity.

_Moron! Stupid idiot!_ I repeated those words in my mind, every step I made, every breath I took. I ran until I could almost feel my lungs about to burst. Hope and despair warred within me as I ran, and I failed to see the rock jutting in my way. I tripped.

And when I did, despair won over hope.

"Damn it!" I panted. I squeezed my eyes shut, fending off the tears that threatened to fall. I pounded a fist on the dusty ground, distantly noting the pain that traveled up my arm. How could I have been so stupid to have brought the thing with me? Common sense dictated that one does **not** bring valuable family heirlooms on trips like this.

_Kaoru, you idiot! How could you have done something as colossally stupid as this? Father—no, generations of Kamiyas will haunt you in your sleep tonight! You'd better get that sword back or—_

"Woudja lookit this! What a beaut!" I snapped out of my misery as a distinctively nasal voice reached my ears.

"Ought to fetch a lotta cash, that's for sure," another voice replied.

I turned my head sharply to track where the voices came from. Sure enough, there were two men standing in the alley beside me—one of them had brown hair, and he had my sword with him!

Hope surged through me, fueled by anger. "Oi!" I yelled, jumping to my feet and charging toward them. "That's my sword you got there! Give it back!"

The thief started and whipped around, giving me a good look at him. He had a rat-like appearance to him, sharp-featured and beady-eyed, complete with protruding front teeth. His companion was taller, and although his features didn't scream 'bad guy'—in fact, he looked rather tame—the glint behind his droopy eyes were telling me otherwise.

"Don't see your name on it, boy," the taller one drawled.

My eyebrow twitched at the word 'boy'—but then again, I deliberately wore male clothing, hadn't I?

"Yeah? Look carefully, pal, and you'd see it has Kamiya written on it," I growled. "Now if you don't mind, give me my sword back, and I promise not to hurt you too much."

A moment of silence passed as the two goons gaped at me before guffawing. "I'd like to see ya try," the scrawny one scoffed.

If memory served me right, those were Yahiko's words before I trounced him soundly yesterday. Ooh! I really hate it when people underestimate me. I could take these two easily. I mean, they're just run-of-the mill goons, right? I've beaten these kind of guys too many times to count.

"Bad move, jerk. Now you've really pissed me off," I snarled, pointing my bokken at him. Droopy-eyes smirked and held out his hand out to Rat-guy, who handed him my sword.

"Looks like I'll be testing my new sword on you," he remarked, drawing out Blue Swordbreaker from its wrappings.

I felt something twitch somewhere on my face. **His** new sword? He doesn't deserve to even **look** at it!

My temper surged. "That does it! You're going down, you—you—asshole!" I screamed, charging at him. At the back of my mind I noted that the a-word had been my third cuss word for the day. Sano would be so proud.

Droopy sidestepped easily and deflected my attack without drawing the sword from its sheath. Rat hooted. "C'mon, finish 'im off, Jin," he jeered.

"Oh, I will," Jin said mildly, finally drawing the sword. He smirked and licked the blade to taunt me. "Well? What are you waiting for, boy? If you want this, you gotta come and get it from me first."

"I intend to do just that." I narrowed my eyes, trying to come up with a plan of attack now that he's using a sword.

Jin let out an amused chuckle and rolled his eyes. "And you're going to use that toothpick? Please. Well, whatever floats your boat, then." And then suddenly, without warning, he attacked.

I was wrong in my initial assessment of this guy. He was surprisingly agile, and his sword skills were better than the average goon. Since his sword had a sharp edge, I couldn't use my bokken to block his attacks. At one point, the blade came close to slashing my forehead, managing to shear off a few strands of hair.

My mind worked furiously, trying to find any sort of break in his defense. I tried to hold back the tide of frustrated anger that threatened to cloud my judgment, but the smirk on Jin's face only served to inflame it all the more.

"Had enough?" Jin taunted. I didn't respond, drawing my lip back into a grimace. _Keep cool,_ I told myself. _Come on, think! Where should I—_

"Don't you know that carrying swords and fighting in public is a crime?" someone behind me suddenly spoke up.

"Eh?"

I glanced behind me and saw a tall silhouette of a man blocking the alley. A thin wisp of smoke curled from his cigarette. Cool amber eyes quickly assessed the situation. The man took another drag from his cigarette slowly and deliberately.

I only know of one character that fits that description.

"Well, well, if it isn't Raccoon-girl. Fancy meeting you here," Saitou smirked. "Fighting in public, eh?"

"Hey, I didn't fight because I wanted to," I snapped. "I'm fighting because these two right here—" I indicated the two goons, who looked at the exchange between Saitou and me with mild interest—"stole my sword! I was fighting to get it back. And before you get started with swords being illegal in public, I'll have you know that I had it safely wrapped and I have no intention of using it. I have it with me because I'm bringing it to someone to have it repaired. Or something." Okay, so that part was a lie, but still. This is Saitou I'm talking to. I don't have to explain my true motives to him.

Saitou blew out a stream of smoke. "Or something, eh? All right. You said they stole your sword?"

"Yes," I said exasperatedly. "And if you want proof, it has my family name etched on the scabbard."

Saitou flicked his cigarette away and drew his sword. "If you're lying, I'll arrest you." I opened my mouth to tell him to back off, that this is my fight, but then again, this is Saitou. Much as I hate to admit it, he'd kick my butt. Still, having Saitou come to my rescue rankled—I ought to give that jerk a piece of my mind for sticking his nose into other people's businesses!

Jin and the thief looked nervous as Saitou turned his attention on them. They should be, because I have to admit that Saitou looks scary. "Raccoon-girl here tells me that you've stolen her sword. Hand it over before I beat on both your asses."

"Yeah? Make me," Jin sneered in a show of false bravado. Saitou smirked, looking absolutely feral.

"Hn. You asked for it." With that he—do I still have to describe it? I mean, this is the Wolf of Mibu we're talking about here. While I believe that Kenshin's the greatest swordsman to ever walk the face of the earth, even I can't deny that Saitou's swordsmanship is superb.

And that, of course, resulted in Jin and the thief's defeat. Saitou bent down and retrieved the sword and sheath from Jin's limp grip. "Looks like you're telling the truth," he remarked, studying the kanji of my family name on the sheath. He also inspected the sword. "Fine sword you've got here. What were you thinking, letting it be stolen from you?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," I said tightly. "Anyway, thank you for helping me out." I held out my hand. "I'd like to have my sword back please, if you don't mind."

"Hn. Swords like these are not meant to be handled by the likes of you, but since you own it, I guess I don't have a choice." I bit back a scathing reply as Saitou put the sword back in its sheath and handed it to me. "Do me a favor, will you? Go to the police station nearby and tell them to pick up these miscreants."

I resisted the urge to mock-salute him and spun on my heel to do what he had asked. A few minutes later, the police picked up the two and hauled their sorry asses to jail. Ha. That ought to teach them not to mess with me—all right, so Saitou had butted in to do the dirty work for me, but I could've handled those two on my own.

"So where are you off to, Raccoon-girl?"

"Will you quit calling me that?"

"Don't you know it's rude to answer a question with another question?"

I hate Saitou. I really, really hate him.

I grunted irritably and said, "It's none of your business, all right? Thanks for helping me out, but I really have to get going. Good bye." I turned and stomped away. Having a barrel of laughs such as Saitou save me grated on my pride, and what's worse, it reminded me for the hundredth time of my shortcomings on my swordsmanship.

"Give my regards to Battousai," Saitou called after me mockingly, his voice carrying over growing distance between us. Ooh…the nerve of that jerk, mentioning Kenshin at a time like this! He really knows how to push people's buttons, doesn't he?

I growled under my breath and pushed Kenshin out of my mind. Seriously, this isn't the time to think of that red-headed idiot—I mean, I haven't been away for more than a few hours, and already I'm missing him!

_Oh, Kenshin…_I sighed.

I smiled a little as I remembered the startled look on his face when I kissed him. _I can't believe I did that,_ I thought, amazed at my daring earlier. Okay, so maybe it was just a peck on the cheek, but it's a start, ne? Besides, guys with issues like Kenshin need to take things slow—although I might already be a **graying** old maid by the time he decides to make his move.

I can see it now…

"_Kaoru-dono,"_ Kenshin wheezes, _will you give this unworthy one the honor of becoming your husband?"_

"_Oh—__**hack**__—Kenshin!" _I warble out joyfully. _"You have no idea how long I've waited for this! Fifty years of waiting and pining and hoping! Of course I'll marry you—__**coughcoughhack**__!"_

"_Eh? Come again, Kaoru-dono? This unworthy one didn't quite hear you."_ Kenshin raises a wizened, liver spot-covered, arthritic hand to his nearly deaf ear.

"_I said yes, idiot!"_ I snap at him, bopping his head, now silver instead of red (hey, it rhymes!) with my bokken that will also serve as my cane.

"_Oroo…_He collapses swirly-eyed to the ground.

Then Grandpa Yahiko comes tottering up with his horde of spiky-haired grandkids to congratulate us. _"Hey, dogface! I heard ole Kenshin 'ere finally popped the question! I'm impressed the senile old coot remembered his proposal!"_ He grins with only a few teeth left in his mouth, then guffaws loudly. _"Good luck with the honeymoon! Don't wear him out, ya hear?"_

"_What's that?"_ I raise a hand to my ear. _"Speak up, Yahiko-chan."_

"_Don't call me that! Ugly!"_

"_Why you—come back here, you brat!"_

"_Catch me if you can, Ugly!"_

I chase him—or at least I try to—to give him a good whack on the head. Actually, chasing wouldn't be an appropriate word—shuffling after him would be a more accurate description. Meanwhile, that redheaded idiot would still be on the floor, unconscious and swirly-eyed, twitching on the floor with rheumatism.

I sighed and shook my head. Mou, what a nightmare! But the way my lovelife's going—or, rather, my lack thereof—it wouldn't be much of a stretch that what I had just imagined would happen, would it? That's what I get for having such an overactive imagination.

_Ugh. Quit thinking about him, will you? Just focus on what you have to do. FOCUS!_

I nodded firmly and squared my shoulders, pushing any thought of Kenshin away once and for all—well, for today, at least. I don't think I would be able to keep from thinking about him for more than a day.

Anyway, I decided to duck into the restaurant to plan what I had to do. I ordered some tea to mull it over.

Trying to think in a crowded restaurant was no easy feat. It was nearing noon, and apparently some people decided to avoid the lunch hour rush. The din of conversation, shouted food orders, and the clink of china surrounded me as I sat there.

Now that I was done thinking about Kenshin, I decided to brood on other matters. My hand tightened on my teacup as I replayed in my mind the fight earlier and Saitou's unwanted intervention. How is it that I managed to defeat a scythe-wielding assassin with nothing more than a wooden sword handle, but when faced with an ordinary goon, I was helpless? I should have been able to defeat the guy much easier.

_Come on, don't be so hard on yourself—you simply didn't have enough time. I mean, it was a showdown between you and Kamatari, ne? Confronting thieves in an alley is different._

_Different? How can it be different? Kamatari and Jin were both your opponents—there shouldn't be any excuses. No excuses, Kaoru. Opponents are supposed to be defeated, whatever the circumstances were._

_You need to improve. Badly._

I sighed and swirled the tea in my cup, resting my chin on one hand. My edge is getting dulled. Ever since Kenshin came into my life, I had been dependent on him. I think…I think, on some unconscious level, I had expected him to always rescue me whenever I'm in trouble. I was alone for so long, even before my father died, that when somebody showed some interest in me, I latched on to it. I wanted to be cared for, and to be protected. Who doesn't? It's tiring to protect yourself all the time.

But I'll be damned if somebody gets hurt protecting me.

Besides, I don't want to be protected all the time. I want to be able to protect those I hold dear to my heart.

"_After that fight with Shishio, Ken-san shouldn't be made to fight. His body is deteriorating…"_

I want to protect Kenshin. It's my turn now.

_Seems that you want a lot of things, Raccoon Girl. But wanting won't get you anywhere—better get off your lazy butt and start training!_

With that resolve, I downed my tea, burning my tongue in the process. I hurriedly paid for my meal, and headed to Chuo Ward, to cross the Nihonbashi bridge, in order to travel down the Tokaido Road.

From this point on, I'm going to be on my own. Even though being alone was what I wanted, I couldn't help but question myself for the nth time if I've made a mistake of leaving home. For an indefinite period, I won't have anybody to go home to—heck, I don't have a home, period. And home was very important to me.

"_I'm home…"_

"_Welcome back…"_

Until I find the answers I needed, I'll be adrift and alone. I'll be questioning myself all the time, if my musings are any indication. But they're nothing more than distractions keeping me from my goal.

_I __**will**__ find my answer, just as Kenshin did. Once I do, maybe I can also find the happiness that I deserve._

Yes, that sounds just about right. I just hope—no, I will see it through. With that, I smiled slightly, letting the wind play with my hair.

I am Kamiya Kaoru. I **will** fulfill that which I have set out to do.

_STORY NOTES_

_Shinbashi Station:__ According to Wikipedia, "Shinbashi is the original terminus of Japan's first stretch of railway, the Tokaido Main Line, and one of Japan's oldest stations."_

_Tokaido Road:__ The most important route in Japan during the Tokugawa era, which linked Kyoto to Edo (modern-day Tokyo). The name 'Tokaido' meant eastern sea route. During the Tokugawa Era, people went 'up' to Kyoto, and 'down' to Edo. However, when the Meiji Restoration came about and when the Emperor moved his Imperial Palace to Tokyo, which in turn transferred the capital from Kyoto to Edo, people traveled 'up' to Tokyo and 'down' to Kyoto._

_Chuo Ward:__ An area in Tokyo where the Nihonbashi is located._

_Nihonbashi:__ The business district of Chuo Ward, and an area surrounding the bridge of the same name. It is where the Tokaido Road begins.  
_

_AUTHOR'S NOTE_

_Hello there! Sorry for the long delay, and for previous readers, I apologize if I revised this again. Having Kaoru travel down the Tokaido Road had been an exciting idea, one I've struggled with for a time, because that meant revising again. But it just wouldn't let me go, so…yeah. Please bear with my fickleness and my sporadic updates, because I just want this to be a story I'm happy telling. And it would make me happier if you reviewed my story. Constructive criticism would be very much appreciated, although if you're planning to give me a thorough criticism, please send it to toastyann yahoo dot com. Thank you very much for reading my story._


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